Daydreams

Squam Magic.

We call it "re-entry". That feeling that overcomes you when you re-enter your life after spending 4 luscious days at Squam. Re-entry sucks. But the magic abounds...

Grateful for

• Warmth and openness of squammies from all over the globe, and those that live around the corner
• New adventures in repurposing fabric and wood
• New friendships started before we boarded the plane (where else could she have been going with a sewing machine in hand??)
• Familiarity of sounds...smells...music...and community
• Refilling my well 

Day 1 back: if i wait to unpack will that make the magic stay with me a bit longer? Then i remember the sweetness when i open the suitcase to find the lavendar sachets  i bought at the artist fair. The smell takes me instantly back to this...

   

and this...

and this

 

and reminds me to just let go, so i can create more of this...

 

**And that she promised a new playlist (soon!)**

I finally let loose and cried this morning--tears of gratitude that all the plans fell into place and I tried spring Squam. Tears of grief for having it end. Tears of sadness that there are too many other tidbits of life that may stop me from going to Squam this fall.

Only the smells, the sounds, the pictures, and the memories of warm new friendships to keep Squam in my heart.

Thank you **Squammies**...for everything.  xo

 

change.

i spent the better part of sunday getting my daughter (otherwise known in these parts as "the cheerleader") ready for college. my first child off to college in just a few days. it's a very surreal feeling - i'm going through the motions, looking at the suitcases, the bedding, the supplies and thinking "where did the time go? how did we get to this point--18 years flew by!" I worry: did i teach her everything she needs to know to stay safe, make good decisions, date supportive/loving young men, make her way in the world, be a good person, and on and on...

there were a few good laughs yesterday as we sorted through clothing - like when i realized that she has a shoe collection to rival Imelda Marcos! like when she declared that taking every single article of clothing she owns (or just about) will ensure she has "plenty of options" even if she only wears 1/3 of them!

i smile thinking back to when my parents dropped me off at college; far enough away from home to experience that rush that comes with suddenly feeling free, independent, yet close enough that i could get home in a few hours if needed. i still recall saying goodbye to mom and dad only to be out in town shopping for dorm room decor with a new friend 30 minutes later (note: apparently mom didn't share the jubilation as she recounts that she cried for a good while afterwards). i know my daughter will experience something similiar...but how will i feel? how will having her gone change the dynamics at home? will i think of her every day, multiple times a day? will she call or text to say hi or only when she needs something?

yes, the winds of change are in motion. today change feels like i'm on a beach with the summer sun glaring down on me. a cool breeze tickles my skin over and over again. i want to stay warm in the rays of the sun, but the breeze continues reminding me that it's there, always in motion, moving me forwards and backwards, side to side, but always moving. always considering the next direction. sometimes strong, sometimes merely a whisper. but almost always there.

my summer list of (en)joy

inspired by this tradition my summer list includes

- bake snickerdoodles (see left)
- eat ice cream for breakfast
- watch the sunset from a boat
- toast marshmallows over a campfire
- knit on the deck after dinner
- create a multi-media self portrait
- host a crafting night (or even better, weekend!)
- stay on the beach until the sun goes down
- eat crabs
- take a weekend afternoon nap
- drink sun tea and iced coffee
- ride my bike
- dust off the tennis racquet (get it restrung) and play!
- try a new art medium
- make a summer 2010 playlist
- mail anonymous art postcards to friends

How about you? Send me the link to your summer (en)joy list!

simple truths.

for so long i had let her words
roll off my back

a sentence of pure love
followed by judging words

silence was the best policy
i couldn't get hurt that way
just let her ramble and she'll
simmer down

but the words heated up
i had to state the simple truths
as i saw them, of course

my truths, not hers
my pain, not hers

she listened, but i suppose
never really heard me

it's always been like that
why i've kept things to myself

never sharing the true details
the bad, the ugly, the real feelings

my simple truths have been said
now they belong to the universe

i want them to float away
i know she never really heard me

at least i'm free of them now
they exist out there for
anyone to hear

anyone but her

ROCK BOTTOM.
...coming up for air - finally!
...feeling like I've been drowning at the bottom of a rocky well
...realizing the inner artist is clawing her way back
...feeling like i've put aside the personal passions to make sure i was doing a great job at the paying job
...thinking the item above isn't worth putting above all else
...realizing i haven't been truly "present" anywhere but the paying job for a long, long time
...glad to be clawing my way back to whatever my reality was before i started looking the other direction
...bummed that I'm not at spring Squam Art Workshops
...even more bummed that i can't attend fall Squam this year either

BUT...
...happy that i signed up for Kelly Rae's "taking flight" online ecourse. loving it so far and it's only the first week!
...thrilled winter is behind us and i've been working off some of the effects of a sugar addiction by working in the garden
...looking forward to my daughter's high school graduation in a couple of weeks
.
And thrilled to be reconnecting with my thoughts here in this space, even though no one may actually be reading! That's OK (for now). Definitely clawing my way back from rock bottom.

Explore.

Whew! Long hiatus from posting here. Hope i haven't lost you~

I thought long and hard about what I wanted this blog to be, who does it serve? Why do I want to continue posting? After the holidays and a couple of artist dates I came to the conclusion that I'm posting for ME. Because writing here helps me work through or think through the world around me. Because it helps me connect (occasionally) with like-minded souls, because it helps me reach out to new faces that may grow into new friends. I'm all about community, and realize I'm not on this journey alone. I'm hoping you'll continue to take this journey with me, to comment or react to my words and photos, and grow and enjoy along side each other in this virtual space.

EXPLORE. It's my word for 2010. More tomorrow on my plans for 2010. Have you chosen a word for this year?

sharing.

a little of who i am

...i love color
    but dress mostly in black with a twist of 
some cool accessories 

...i love the beach as much as the mountains
    and if neither are nearby i can find solitude in a mug of chai tea

...i love chocolate 
    and am just as happy with some hershey's 
    kisses as a few pieces of Godiva

...i set a mean dinner party/holiday table
    and tend to put just as much time &
    effort into place settings and decor as
    preparing the menu and cooking

...i'm married to my high school sweetheart
    and my parents were married for 40 years
    before my dad passed away suddenly

...i cry easily
    when i see beauty, feel loved,or
    when my feelings are hurt

...music soothes my soul
    and has the power to bring me instantly back to another
    place and time

...same with smells (see "music" above)

...i love a shabby chic decorating style
    but my home is decorated more eclectically
    with my art, other's art, hand sewn pillows
    hand-painted cabinets (a quick, cheap fix!)
    walls of photos, and books

...i love reading cookbooks
   and have a pretty good collection of
   decorating and crafting books
   

...i prefer baking over cooking
    and make a mean ziti

...i believe tha everyone has a right to their own opinion
    religion, way of doing things
    and can't understand why we all just can't get along

...i love gerbera daisies, zinnias, 
    turquoise and chocolate,
    a bath (or shower) by candlelight,
    and the sound of rain on my roof

...i'm grateful for it all...

who are you?

(Note: this post is inspired by this lovely blog)

Risking it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Load the ship and set out. No one knows for certain whether the vessel will sink or reach the harbor. Cautious people say, "I'll do nothing until I can be sure". Merchants know better. If you do nothing, you lose. Don't be one of those merchants who wont risk the ocean." - rumi

looking in the mirror

...to be sure my soul is still intact.

Working through the muck

tap dancing through

the Artists' Way

trying not to get "too involved"

for fear of discovering

who i might really be

and then the words

speak to me

and the light bulb

goes off.

"shadow artist" hits home

and i've spent the last 2 weeks

thinking about

that badge of honor

and what

i'm going to do about it.